Self-harm is a subject that often stays in the shadows, but it’s a growing concern among young people today. More teens and young adults are turning to it as a way to cope with the emotional pain that they don’t feel safe talking about. For many, it’s not about getting attention, but rather it’s about trying to survive feelings that are too heavy to carry alone.
Teenagers today face intense pressures. They juggle schoolwork, friendships, family expectations, and the constant presence of social media. Some also deal with trauma, bullying, discrimination, or mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, or identity struggles. When emotions become overwhelming and there are no healthy ways to release them, self-harm can become a coping mechanism, a silent outlet for deep, unspoken pain.
Mental health advocate Linsey Lunny, CEO of Hidden Strength, explains what often drives young people to this point.
“It’s always so devastating when I hear of a young person harming themselves,” Lunny says. “To see how many of them carry pain they don’t feel safe expressing. Self-harm surpasses some superficial grasp at attention; it’s often about control, release, or just trying to feel something when everything else feels numb. It becomes a way to cope with emotions they don’t have the tools to process.”
Lunny’s words show that self-harm is not just about the physical act, but is often a sign of emotional pain that many adults may not fully understand. For some, it’s a way to feel a sense of control when everything else feels chaotic. For others, it’s a way to feel something real when numbness takes over. And for many, it’s the only outlet they know when they’re drowning in emotions they can’t put into words.
One of the most harmful myths surrounding self-harm is that it’s simply “attention-seeking.” But in reality, many who self-harm go to great lengths to keep it hidden. They may wear long sleeves in warm weather, avoid situations where their scars might be seen and lie when asked if they’re okay. Their actions are not meant to draw others in. They are often desperate attempts to push people away and keep their pain private and hidden.
Self-harm is more common than most people think. According to research, around 1 in 5 adolescents have engaged in some form of self-injury. And yet, it remains heavily stigmatized. Many young people are afraid of being judged, punished, or misunderstood if they speak up, so they suffer in silence.
How can we break the stigma and ensure young people feel safe to ask for help?
Creating safe, non-judgmental spaces is a powerful first step. If a young person opens up about self-harming, responding with kindness and understanding rather than with shock, anger, or guilt can make all the difference. It’s important not to minimize their feelings or try to “fix” them right away.
Instead, listen. Ask how they’re feeling. Show them you care. Listen without judgment. Let them know they’re not broken. That their pain is valid. That there’s help, and there’s hope.
Schools have a powerful role to play by integrating mental health education into daily learning. Teaching emotional literacy, which involves helping students identify, understand, and express their feelings, can be a key step in preventing self-harm. It is also important to train teachers and staff to recognize signs of emotional distress and respond with empathy and support.
Parents and caregivers also have a key role. By fostering open, honest communication at home, they can give young people a safe space to express their feelings. It’s okay not to have all the answers; what matters most is being there and showing that you’re willing to listen and learn.
Professional support is essential too. Therapists and counselors can help teens develop healthier coping strategies and address underlying issues. Treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) have been shown to be especially helpful for people who struggle with self-harm.
It’s also important to remember that recovery takes time. There may be setbacks, and the road to healing can be long but with the right support, many young people can and do overcome these struggles. They can learn to manage their emotions in safer ways, build self-esteem, and find a sense of hope again.
Self-harm is not the whole story. It’s a symptom of something deeper. And behind every scar is a story that matters. A young person’s decision to hurt themselves isn’t proof that they are broken, but rather it’s a sign that they’ve been hurting and haven’t yet found a safer way to ask for help.
If we want to change this, we must listen. We must speak honestly about mental health, create compassionate communities, and offer support without judgment. Because no one, especially not a young person, should ever feel like pain is something they have to hide.
If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, you are not alone. Reach out to a trusted adult, counselor, or mental health professional. There are people who care, and help is always available.
